A sibling is defined as one of two or more individuals having one or both parents in common. Though that’s the most obvious definition, I seem to extract a different connotation. Sometimes, I feel that the definition is a means by which one loses any hope of sanity; one you often wished did not have one or both parents in common (syn.: obnoxious). Sure, I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek there, but people with siblings should be able to relate. Communication and maintaining sibling relationships and can be pretty tough at times, but apparently they can’t be weaseled out of, so the best thing to do is make it as good as it can possibly be.
It never fails to annoy me (very much as a matter of fact) when people compared us constantly. Who's prettier? Who's smarter? Who's nicer? When we're doing sports – which one is faster? I think people do that because when they're struck with a similarity, they look for a difference. People naturally assume that no two people who are so alike could be equal. We're not equal, but we're very much alike. We didn't compete with each other but others would do it for us and that was something that I find very painful. It is sure okay with me if she was better, but I found it very hard if they thought I was better. It made me feel guilty and protective of her.
I know of some siblings that strongly dislike each other; I believe hate is a little too extreme of a word to even imply facetiously. Perhaps they do love each other, in the sense that they’re siblings thus felt obligated to, it is definitely indubitable that some form of strife will arise every now and then. That is pretty normal; maintaining your relationship with your siblings is no different from socializing with your friends or colleagues. My sister and I often don’t always see eye to eye in many things, in spite of the astonishingly similar taste we have. To debate over conflicting decisions could be something entertaining (and educational) actually. In fact, I would categorize the art communication with your family as an indication to how successful you will be in life. To bear grudges is bad, to hold grudges against your family will be a major debacle for anyone.
If you have that serious of an influence on anyone, you would want to affect them positively. It is one thing to have a relationship with my sister where we hang out together, randomly go places together, those sorts of wonderful things. Not only are we attached biologically, physically, and emotionally. We’re also attached spiritually, the most significant of all.
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This post is VERY INTERESTING, Shi Wei.
ReplyDeleteOne statement you make that I find insightful is this: "when they're struck with a similarity, they look for a difference." That seems to be an overlooked truth.
Part of what makes your discussion here most compelling for me is that, frankly, I've never had a chance to get to know twins in the same class. What that means is that I started from "ground zero" with both of you, not knowing anything except the physical similarity, which I admit now, baffled me a bit. Then slowly but surely, I've observed, I've read, I've noted....a pierce here for one, there for the other. This approach by one, that by another. This way of writing by one, that by another. This topic by one, that by the other.
It all has added up to a wonderful opportunity to get to know two special people, who are quite similar and yet very different.
Now that I have come to understand the differences between you and your sister, I've also come to appreciate your similarities even more. For that reason, I want to know what the nature of the "spiritual attachment" is. Am I asking you too much when I wonder if you can explain that?
Hey sisteerr,
ReplyDeleteSomeone pass me the kleenex please! What more can I say, absolutely beautifully written post. But in some sense I guess you must forgive them, because they might just be trying to pick up a topic to talk about. I guess if it gets too frequent and annoying (bless our aunts), we just have to deal with it. Because most people wouldn’t understand the connection and how special it is to be born and raised with someone that is so like you, but so different at the same time.
We influence and shape each other everyday. Remember you were the one who brought Marvin Gaye and Etta James into my jukebox. And I was the culprit who taught you how to be a glutton. So to those who see twins or siblings as nothing more then just siblings, you are totally wrong.
(P.S. And to those who don’t get it, they never will, so sc**w them all, LOL)
ShiHui
Hello Brad,
ReplyDeleteI guess it was sneaky of me to take this chance to rattle about what absolutely annoys me as a twin all my life. I don’t blame people for being “fascinated” when they first meet us, because like you, it is not often that you get to catch a pair of identical twins in the same class. I’ve had this pair of twins in life science as well (2 girls), and I must admit that I am perplexed myself by how can 2 people actually look so alike! (What an irony I know, but personally I don’t think that I look like ash though.)
Some twins desperately want a separate identity, for another source of annoyance is when friends address twins as “twins” (yes I’m serious) instead of their names. Perhaps I have been through this phase before, but being more matured now, I feel that it is more like sheer bliss to have someone constantly by my side, to support and clean each other’s mess, and basically talk about almost everything to.
When I mentioned spiritual attachment I meant something like a soul tie- between my sister and me. We don’t have telepathy (sadly), but when either of us experiences strong emotions, the other party can feel it, and perhaps be the first before anyone else to figure out what’s wrong. It is fun actually haha.
Ps. Please don’t think that it is too much to ask for Brad, you are more than welcomed to ask more questions.
xx
Hey ash,
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you appeared to be extra nice today. Haha jk. Yes I do agree we shape and mould each other, it might just sound a little mushy but oh well. It is just amazing how much things we can learn from each other- that soul tie i was telling Brad about, is something I totally cherish!
fly, ash, fly=)
xx
Hi Shi Wei,
ReplyDeleteGreat and very insightful post you have here. Can I just add something to your special definition of siblings? Here it goes:
"Means by which one loses any hope of sanity and one you often wished did not have one or both parents in common but at the end of the day, someone who is dependable and always there for you no matter what. (other meaning: obnoxious sometimes but will be there when you need her/him)" :)
Having a brother, I do understand how frustrating and annoying sometimes when people (often aunties and uncles) compare the both of us and with you and Shi Hui being twins, I guess it must have been worse for the both of you. I do agree that having siblings can be a pain in the rear end at some times but if given the choice to choose, I would definitely choose to have siblings than to be the only child.
You mentioned that "I would categorize the art communication with your family as an indication to how successful you will be in life. To bear grudges is bad, to hold grudges against your family will be a major debacle for anyone" and I certainly agree with you on this point. At the end of the day and when all else fails, the only people we can depend on is our family.
ws
Hi Shi Wei,
ReplyDeleteIt's an another interesting post from you.This post really penetrate deep into my heart, especially with "It is sure okay with me if she was better, but I found it very hard if they thought I was better". I can see the strong bond between the two of you and your love towards your sister.
As i also has a elder sister, i can understand the "attachment" between you and Shi Hui. I can't imagine if i am the only girl in my family, how boring my life will be. No one to share your secret, no one to ask for opinion about dressing and looks,and no one accompany you for "special" shopping. Right?
Hi Shiwei,
ReplyDeleteEven though I have no siblings myself, your post did let me have a little feel of what it is like to have one. I used to think of only the good points of having a sibling but I guess it is changing. Poor Shiwei, you're going to face all these heartless comparisons all your life. Were you the one I was trying to tempt to talk bad about your sister? Haha. I'm gonna try harder. :P
Cheers!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehello Wee Siong,
ReplyDeleteI love your version of sibling! Haha, yes i must admit there is both upside and downside to having siblings. Perhaps I would like to think that comparisons now and then can propel us forward, doesn't it? Is your brother a younger or older brother? I must add in a point that being a twin allows me to act as younger/older sister at the same time, so it is quite interesting actually.
Thank you for your another yet lovely comment!
x
Cher!
ReplyDeleteYes I must agree with you that having a sister is never the same as having a brother! There are SO MANY things girls can share among girls, but never with the boys. I guess you must have more stories to share about being the eldest sister! Such heavy, yet lovely responsibility don't you agree?
xx SW
Hello mk5t,
ReplyDeleteOh you are the only child, that explains WHY! Well I shan't elaborate on that, but yes, having sibling is something seemingly (if you allow me to exaggerate) magical.
I guess you could compensate that "missing sibling" by you know, sharing "loving" relationships with some close friends. You can really try, you probably already had, but boy you would love it.
SW
I can relate to this TOTALLY.
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I are poles apart, but we love each other despite getting remarks from people like, "Why aren't you like her?"
For you and your sister, it can be more frustrating since both of you share the same physical appearance, and this drives others to search for other comparisons to make.
What matters is the close bond you and your sister have, and nothing else. For those people who love making comparisons, they may as well come up with a clone that do not allow for such comparisons.
hehe
ReplyDeletetoo heavy to fly now eh jiejie.
SH=D
Hi Shi Wei,
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post about sisterhood. It makes me think back on my own relationship with me elder sister who's only one year older. The age gap (or lack of it) cause many arguments, quarrels and even fights. Though, I am always the one who got beaten up because of my smaller frame.I must say I have nursed a grudge against her for tainting my childhood a little with her constant 'abuse', but as I grew older, I learnt to defend myself and forgive her as she too, grew out of the 'insanity' and became more mature.
We developed differently through the years and to others, I was always the serious, sensible one. Looks wise, they'd think she was older, but when others have the chance to observe our behaviours for awhile, they'd think that she was the younger one. Like you, I am frustrated that people compare us when there is no reason for doing that at all. I feel bad when people judge us according to our achievements and she gets the worse end of it more often than not. I get really offended when someone talks bad about her even though I could be angry at her at that moment because she is after all my sister (and I believe I have the right to do so).It is almost like some people don't understand that sisters are separate human beings.
I do complain about my sister and even purposefully push her buttons sometimes, but at the end of the day, she's my sister, she's family, and I still love her.
I'll end with something I said to my sister during her birthday sometime ago.
" I'm smiling because I'm your sister. I'm laughing because there's nothing you can do about it."
YUKA!
ReplyDeletei didnt know you have a sister as well. are you the older or the youger one? It is so funny, when your said how ppl shld come up with clones that wont offer them the option of comparision. I guess people with siblings would have to come to terms with that, for that is almost the most natural thing we all like to do - to make comaprisons.
SARAH!
AWW. From what you have written, i think you really love your sister alot. Lets not say an age gap of 1 year, my sister and I (merely 4minutes apart) dont see eye to eye in plenty of things as well. I guess it is interesting to observe what sh likes, what ticks her off (and yes, i'm definitely guilty of purposely pushing her buttons just to annoy her).
" I'm smiling because I'm your sister. I'm laughing because there's nothing you can do about it." I'm quite sure we all feel the same way about each other as well=)
xx